Although I am often asked to speak to recent grads, I have never been asked to speak at any graduations. But if I were, I imagine I would deliver something along the lines of this speech.
Today is part 8. To see the entire speech released so far, click here and read from the bottom up.
Rule 7: Ira Roth is not your congressman
Ira Roth is also not the random guy who knows your name and though you really ought to know his, it’s been like two years since asking him to remind you of his name wouldn’t have incredibly embarrassed both of you.
A Roth IRA is the greatest thing since, well, plastics! Actually, it’s even better because, to the best of my knowledge, profits on plastics were never tax-free. With a Roth IRA, your money can grow and grow and grow, for the next forty years (or more), without you ever having to pay taxes on the account. New grads earning at least $5,000 this year can contribute up to that amount in a Roth IRA. Do so. This year. No one ever gets into trouble during retirement because they saved too much when they were younger.
At this point, I’m guessing that you wish I would simply turn the conversation back to sex. You’re thinking: “Sitting down with my parents to have ‘the talk’ was so uncomfortable” or “Man, I totally remember Kenny! That guy was crazy!” But the sex part of today’s talk is over. Sorry about that.
<CLEAR THROAT>
You’ve perhaps debated whether size matters or if performance counts. Well, of course, it turns out the same thing is true with sex. I hear rumbling – were you already thinking I was referring to sex again? You people! This is a money talk. No, we’re not going to talk about Eliot Spitzer either!
[To be continued]
Tags: Graduation Speech
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